mark and i awoke this morning to a knock on our door. at 3:30 am. i wasn't sure if i was dreaming or not, so i asked him if it was really a knock, and he confirmed my suspicion. he gets us, and creeps toward the door. me, having seen way too many horror movies, tells him not to look through the peep hole. you could lose an eye!
my mind starts racing about who could possibly be knocking on our door at 3:30 in the morning. i remember that my mom has been home alone for the past 8 days (my dad and brother are up in alaska). i think to check my phone. one missed call. from mom's cell. at 3:20 am. a light bulb turns on. i whisper to mark, i think it's my mom. she called me just a few minutes ago.
the tension begins to lift, as mark opens the door, and my little mom stares back at us. "there was another bat in the house." WHAT?! i had just rallied up some of zac's friends to go over there on wednesday and kill a different bat that had shown his ugly face. "another bat? are you serious?"
she goes on to tell us that she woke up at 2 am to the sound of fluttering wings. when she opened her eyes, she could see it, flying around her head in circles around the room. she threw the covers over her head and mummified herself within the blankets, trying to figure out what to do. she couldn't believe there was another one. she had just gotten over the fact that there was one in the first place, and felt relieved that it must have been a freak, one-time thing. but no, another one showing up had confirmed her greatest fear: they had a bat problem.
but where were they getting in? and how? that's what she couldn't figure out. they've never had a bat problem, a rodent problem, or really even a bug problem. this seemed so bizarre.
oh, and apparently cats are good for nothing, because they didn't smell or find them throughout all of this. i secretly hope they get bit and get rabies. i wouldn't care. may sound harsh, but honestly...they have no real purpose. annie just molests people with her ear licking, and sadie just begs for treats. other than that, they stink up the basement with their litter box, and try to get outside. that's all they do, all day long. i don't see the point.
chief on the other hand...if he gets rabies...that will be a different story. i will not be happy about that. he is just a big blob though. i'm sure he would not frighten or intimidate the bat and give it any reason to bit him. let's cross our fingers.
so anyway. i'm tired today, and thought it was a funny story. if you enjoyed hearing it, well good. if not, thanks anyway.
maybe your friday be a wonderful one. and listen to some MJ for me. only a few more hours in the office...
peace.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
flesh
a good communicator must be able to put themselves in the shoes of the one they hope to connect with. they must be able to step outside the box of what they know, and see how things are perceived from a different perspective. they also must be willing to put all biases aside and absorb a variety of opinions. more than anything, they must know who they are catering their message to, and what really gets that 'person' going. WHAT will reach them at a heart level? what will make them take your words seriously and dwell on them? and what will make your message stand out from the rest?
it's a big task to get someone's attention this day and age.
i find myself competing with anything and everything.
yet, i find energy and excitement in knowing that God is in all i do. and that ultimately, it's his message i strive to deliver.
or at least i try to make sure it is.
i invite him to take part. to lead, to show me the way.
his words are greater than mine. his message much stronger.
i'm just a tool, a vehicle...flesh.
it's a big task to get someone's attention this day and age.
i find myself competing with anything and everything.
yet, i find energy and excitement in knowing that God is in all i do. and that ultimately, it's his message i strive to deliver.
or at least i try to make sure it is.
i invite him to take part. to lead, to show me the way.
his words are greater than mine. his message much stronger.
i'm just a tool, a vehicle...flesh.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
a heart thing
i'm currently reading a book called "left to tell" which is a true story from a woman that survived the Rwandan holocaust. it's unbelievable. i've never read anything like it. through all of the devastation she comes up against in this story, she never loses her faith...in fact, it's all she has left.
her entire family has been taken from her, and she is in hiding. her, and seven other women, are crammed in a bathroom 3 ft wide by 4 ft long. they have been hiding here for nearly two months. they have lost a considerable amount of weight, they stink, they have body lice, they are weak and they are starving. she goes on to tell about her days in this bathroom. the women take turns stretching ever 12 hours or so, because to move or stretch without everyone's coordination would mean an elbow in a face, or a knee in a rib. in the mean time, between stretch breaks and sleeping, she prays. 15-20 hours a day she prays. she prays for her safety. she prays that she would endure this. she prays for her family. she prays for forgiveness. and she even prays that god would forgive the killers that are hunting her. during certain moments when she fears they are about to be discovered, she begins to pray that god would not let them be found. she prays until beads of sweat are running down her forehead. until someone startles her and lets her know the threat has passed. she hears satan's voice constantly telling her that she deserves to die. that she will be found, raped, murdered. she prays that god would take the thoughts away, the lies. she prays in god's name, and she gives her life totally and completely up to him.
it's incomprehensible for me to think about this situation. it's also incomprehensible for me to think about praying for 15-20 hours a day. i can barely manage a prayer once a day, and she is spending the majority of each day in prayer. i can't imagine what that would do to your life. how it would change you, define you, inspire you. i am put to shame when i think about how lucky i am. how free i am. how choosy i am. i make time for god when it's convenient for me. sometimes i wish he was all i had so i could rediscover him in a new way.
as i've been reading this book i've experienced a bit of a heart change. i can't ever know the intense love that god has for his children, but i think i got a glimpse of it today. for no apparent reason, when leaving the grocery store, i met eyes with the guy pushing the carts back into the store. he was middle-aged, which seemed unusual. and i wondered what his story was. i am too guilty of making judgments and being hard on people. i dismiss people too easily as weird, creepy, gross. i don't look past outward appearances. but today i didn't see anything but this man's heart. i continued to watch him and i felt a wave of emotion come over me for this person. this cart guy. it was like god was showing me, 'jackie. this is how i feel about him. this is how i feel about you. this is how i feel about people...all the time. i love them so much.' i just sat there and held on to that feeling. i wanted it to stick. i wanted to return home and feel it. to take it with me to work tomorrow, into my interactions with people. i wanted to live it, breathe it and let it sink into the depths of me.
i hope i get there one day. i know i will never be able to comprehend the hugeness of the LOVE of God, but i do believe that he will give me new eyes. and new perspectives.
we've been created in his image, and he loves us ever so much. i want to love him more. i pray that i will.
her entire family has been taken from her, and she is in hiding. her, and seven other women, are crammed in a bathroom 3 ft wide by 4 ft long. they have been hiding here for nearly two months. they have lost a considerable amount of weight, they stink, they have body lice, they are weak and they are starving. she goes on to tell about her days in this bathroom. the women take turns stretching ever 12 hours or so, because to move or stretch without everyone's coordination would mean an elbow in a face, or a knee in a rib. in the mean time, between stretch breaks and sleeping, she prays. 15-20 hours a day she prays. she prays for her safety. she prays that she would endure this. she prays for her family. she prays for forgiveness. and she even prays that god would forgive the killers that are hunting her. during certain moments when she fears they are about to be discovered, she begins to pray that god would not let them be found. she prays until beads of sweat are running down her forehead. until someone startles her and lets her know the threat has passed. she hears satan's voice constantly telling her that she deserves to die. that she will be found, raped, murdered. she prays that god would take the thoughts away, the lies. she prays in god's name, and she gives her life totally and completely up to him.
it's incomprehensible for me to think about this situation. it's also incomprehensible for me to think about praying for 15-20 hours a day. i can barely manage a prayer once a day, and she is spending the majority of each day in prayer. i can't imagine what that would do to your life. how it would change you, define you, inspire you. i am put to shame when i think about how lucky i am. how free i am. how choosy i am. i make time for god when it's convenient for me. sometimes i wish he was all i had so i could rediscover him in a new way.
as i've been reading this book i've experienced a bit of a heart change. i can't ever know the intense love that god has for his children, but i think i got a glimpse of it today. for no apparent reason, when leaving the grocery store, i met eyes with the guy pushing the carts back into the store. he was middle-aged, which seemed unusual. and i wondered what his story was. i am too guilty of making judgments and being hard on people. i dismiss people too easily as weird, creepy, gross. i don't look past outward appearances. but today i didn't see anything but this man's heart. i continued to watch him and i felt a wave of emotion come over me for this person. this cart guy. it was like god was showing me, 'jackie. this is how i feel about him. this is how i feel about you. this is how i feel about people...all the time. i love them so much.' i just sat there and held on to that feeling. i wanted it to stick. i wanted to return home and feel it. to take it with me to work tomorrow, into my interactions with people. i wanted to live it, breathe it and let it sink into the depths of me.
i hope i get there one day. i know i will never be able to comprehend the hugeness of the LOVE of God, but i do believe that he will give me new eyes. and new perspectives.
we've been created in his image, and he loves us ever so much. i want to love him more. i pray that i will.
Friday, June 12, 2009
listen
yesterday was a big word day. i'm pretty certain i used up all the words in my maximum amount alloted for one day. between the several stories and emails i had to write up, i was done. fried. when i arrived home, i treated myself to a glass of red wine, shaved my legs, and flipped the switch to "off" for just a short while. it was great.
i did however end up reading the first thought from God is No Fool. It was focused on the art of listening. how God is right there. he's knocking at our door, he wants to come in...and we are, doing everything other than what we should be doing. we're asking what door he's at. we're picking up the house. we're wondering what he'll think about our home and the life we're currently living. we're being prideful that he would choose to come in to our house. we're talking over and around the insistent knocking. the knocking suddenly becomes drowned out from the chatter, the noise, the distraction. then he catches our attention. we quiet ourselves down just long enough to hear that still, small voice. but what is it saying to us? that, we cannot make out. we remain quiet. the knocking gets more quiet as well. all we hear is his voice saying, "listen."
a shiver ran across me, and i sat in the silence of my bedroom, and listened. i felt if anything, that was what i was being asked to do. i think God knows me quite well. he knows that i don't do a good job at listening. i enjoy listening to other people, but to him, not as much. i have more control in situations where others are speaking to me...but with him...i have no control over what he will say to me, what truth he will bring to the forefront, or what he will ask me to do.
i listened.
the quiet was uncomfortable. ever since my freshman year of college, i have not embraced the quiet like i once did. it's a definite shock to the system when you go from living in your parent's home in the middle of nowhere with your own bedroom, to living in a dormitory, with girls you wouldn't neccessarily choose to live with, be friends with, or share bathrooms with. the noise was constant. i would steal away to coffee shops, to the lakeside, to my car...anything to get away from the noise. eventually, it swallowed me. i became so comfortable with it, that when i was met by the quiet, i was scrambling for noise! even static noise. anything, but the quiet.
during this time in my life, i felt far from God. i was not giving him the time that i once did in the quiet of my own bedroom. instead, i was watching late night tv with roommates, getting up at 4 am to make coffee for cheap tippers, and investing all of my time and energy into school.
yes, i went to a christian college, but i can honestly say that i felt the farthest from God while i was there, than at any other point in my life. when i am forced to be religious, the desire is not there. when i am forced to read the bible, the desire is not there. when i am forced to go to chapel, the desire is NOT there. when i am forced to be 'happy' and 'all smiles' i become fake. those feelings were much of what i felt while at college, and they left a bad taste in my mouth. i don't mean to discredit the wonderful experiences that many people have had there, but mine, was a flurry of mixed emotions. when i left that place, it took a good year to climb out of those old habits and feelings...to find myself again...and to move on to the next phase in my life.
i am still trying to get comfortable with the quiet. most days when i arrive home from work, i feel the temptation to go and turn the tv on. to fill my life and my apartment with noise. i'm not ready for the quiet. i don't want to think. and i'm not going to lie. that's exactly what i do most days. every once in a while though, i will let myself just be. i will take whatever thoughts float in and capture them. i'll bat them back and forth, twist them and turn them, and send them on their way.
and i will listen.
i could go on and on, but i should stop myself here. i'll save it for another day. thanks for reading, if you made it this far. i have the greatest urge right now to sign off with some kind of quirky marketing line, but i will resist. that is for work. not for this blog.
enjoy your weekend.
i did however end up reading the first thought from God is No Fool. It was focused on the art of listening. how God is right there. he's knocking at our door, he wants to come in...and we are, doing everything other than what we should be doing. we're asking what door he's at. we're picking up the house. we're wondering what he'll think about our home and the life we're currently living. we're being prideful that he would choose to come in to our house. we're talking over and around the insistent knocking. the knocking suddenly becomes drowned out from the chatter, the noise, the distraction. then he catches our attention. we quiet ourselves down just long enough to hear that still, small voice. but what is it saying to us? that, we cannot make out. we remain quiet. the knocking gets more quiet as well. all we hear is his voice saying, "listen."
a shiver ran across me, and i sat in the silence of my bedroom, and listened. i felt if anything, that was what i was being asked to do. i think God knows me quite well. he knows that i don't do a good job at listening. i enjoy listening to other people, but to him, not as much. i have more control in situations where others are speaking to me...but with him...i have no control over what he will say to me, what truth he will bring to the forefront, or what he will ask me to do.
i listened.
the quiet was uncomfortable. ever since my freshman year of college, i have not embraced the quiet like i once did. it's a definite shock to the system when you go from living in your parent's home in the middle of nowhere with your own bedroom, to living in a dormitory, with girls you wouldn't neccessarily choose to live with, be friends with, or share bathrooms with. the noise was constant. i would steal away to coffee shops, to the lakeside, to my car...anything to get away from the noise. eventually, it swallowed me. i became so comfortable with it, that when i was met by the quiet, i was scrambling for noise! even static noise. anything, but the quiet.
during this time in my life, i felt far from God. i was not giving him the time that i once did in the quiet of my own bedroom. instead, i was watching late night tv with roommates, getting up at 4 am to make coffee for cheap tippers, and investing all of my time and energy into school.
yes, i went to a christian college, but i can honestly say that i felt the farthest from God while i was there, than at any other point in my life. when i am forced to be religious, the desire is not there. when i am forced to read the bible, the desire is not there. when i am forced to go to chapel, the desire is NOT there. when i am forced to be 'happy' and 'all smiles' i become fake. those feelings were much of what i felt while at college, and they left a bad taste in my mouth. i don't mean to discredit the wonderful experiences that many people have had there, but mine, was a flurry of mixed emotions. when i left that place, it took a good year to climb out of those old habits and feelings...to find myself again...and to move on to the next phase in my life.
i am still trying to get comfortable with the quiet. most days when i arrive home from work, i feel the temptation to go and turn the tv on. to fill my life and my apartment with noise. i'm not ready for the quiet. i don't want to think. and i'm not going to lie. that's exactly what i do most days. every once in a while though, i will let myself just be. i will take whatever thoughts float in and capture them. i'll bat them back and forth, twist them and turn them, and send them on their way.
and i will listen.
i could go on and on, but i should stop myself here. i'll save it for another day. thanks for reading, if you made it this far. i have the greatest urge right now to sign off with some kind of quirky marketing line, but i will resist. that is for work. not for this blog.
enjoy your weekend.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
god is no fool
When i graduated from northwestern in the spring of 07, my journalism professor found me afterward and handed me a gift. it was wrapped up, but i could tell it was probably a book. i wondered what it was, thinking it probably had something to do with writing since that was in fact, our common bond.
when i opened it later, i saw that it was a book by Lois A. Cheney called God is No Fool. It looked old school, and since I often DO judge books by their cover (i'm partial to things that look pretty), I wasn't sure it was something i cared to look at. So I didn't.
I've been reading lots of fiction lately, and it's been great to just engulf myself in a story and be somewhere else. I've found myself falling in love with these characters i'm reading about. i'm going through everything with them, and hanging on to every last word. i guess you could say i really get into it, but i don't believe you can truly enjoy a story unless you do just that.
i finished my last book called The Orchard a few days ago, and i was scrambling around the house looking to see what i could read next. i wasn't in the mood for a trip to the library, so i walked over to the bookcase in my room where i had shelved tons of books from college that i hadn't 'read' yet, but had every intention of doing so. there it was staring back at me...God is No Fool. "Well, that's true," I thought. I opened it up and found a scribbled note my professor had left for me on the inside cover.
I'm looking forward to seeing what God does with your life. Aim high, Jackie--you've got what it takes. Keep writing.
I closed it slowly and held it close. I felt a warm feeling come over me, and my heart felt good. After that, I decided to keep this with me so everytime i feel like my stories suck, or i have writer's block, i can look back at it and remember that he believes i can do it. Sometimes that is all we really need. someone to believe in us. to give us that extra boost of confidence that we need to get the job done. i think we can lie to ourselves too easily and let satan convince us that our time and talent is being wasted. that we don't have anything signficant to offer to anyone. that we're not good at anything. but don't let him beat you up with those thoughts.
i know i have to decide each and every day that what God has gifted me to do is a true blessing, and for me to not use that gift would be a shame. he's put all of us here for a reason. he's given us strenghths and talents to use for his good work. we may never know how our 'work' has affected another, but that i believe is the beauty in it. we touch lives all the time without knowing it. and if we're being genuine about our offerings and looking to God to bless them, he will. and he will use them to reach this world and the people around us.
i plan to start reading God is No Fool tonight, and hopefully i will get the chance to blog about my first chapter. stay tuned.
jacquelyn
when i opened it later, i saw that it was a book by Lois A. Cheney called God is No Fool. It looked old school, and since I often DO judge books by their cover (i'm partial to things that look pretty), I wasn't sure it was something i cared to look at. So I didn't.
I've been reading lots of fiction lately, and it's been great to just engulf myself in a story and be somewhere else. I've found myself falling in love with these characters i'm reading about. i'm going through everything with them, and hanging on to every last word. i guess you could say i really get into it, but i don't believe you can truly enjoy a story unless you do just that.
i finished my last book called The Orchard a few days ago, and i was scrambling around the house looking to see what i could read next. i wasn't in the mood for a trip to the library, so i walked over to the bookcase in my room where i had shelved tons of books from college that i hadn't 'read' yet, but had every intention of doing so. there it was staring back at me...God is No Fool. "Well, that's true," I thought. I opened it up and found a scribbled note my professor had left for me on the inside cover.
I'm looking forward to seeing what God does with your life. Aim high, Jackie--you've got what it takes. Keep writing.
I closed it slowly and held it close. I felt a warm feeling come over me, and my heart felt good. After that, I decided to keep this with me so everytime i feel like my stories suck, or i have writer's block, i can look back at it and remember that he believes i can do it. Sometimes that is all we really need. someone to believe in us. to give us that extra boost of confidence that we need to get the job done. i think we can lie to ourselves too easily and let satan convince us that our time and talent is being wasted. that we don't have anything signficant to offer to anyone. that we're not good at anything. but don't let him beat you up with those thoughts.
i know i have to decide each and every day that what God has gifted me to do is a true blessing, and for me to not use that gift would be a shame. he's put all of us here for a reason. he's given us strenghths and talents to use for his good work. we may never know how our 'work' has affected another, but that i believe is the beauty in it. we touch lives all the time without knowing it. and if we're being genuine about our offerings and looking to God to bless them, he will. and he will use them to reach this world and the people around us.
i plan to start reading God is No Fool tonight, and hopefully i will get the chance to blog about my first chapter. stay tuned.
jacquelyn
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